It’s easy for leaders and managers to fall into the task trap; they believe their role is to have all the answers. In reality, we see real growth in teams when a leader develops themselves by exploring more effective questions.

Coaching and mentoring isn’t a soft add-on skill, it’s a practical thinking shift, turning leaders and managers into developers and multipliers of talent.

Recognise patterns

Step back, observe your technique, and look for these indicators of a telling-not-asking habit:

- Your team stops developing: People wait for your direction instead of being proactive.

- You jump to fixes: A problem appearing is a shared learning opportunity. Taking it on yourself just impedes you and deprives your team of evolution.

- Problem solving ends up on your to-do list: Every action ends back on your desk and impedes you getting to your priorities.

Self-check

Reflect on how you interact by asking yourself these four questions:

- Did I explore and ask more than I suggested in my last one-to-one?

- Did I resist filling every silence?

- Did I explore others’ thinking before suggesting?

- Did I give space for someone else to design our next step?

Shift your mindset

Decide to develop into a transformational coach and mentor, choose to:

- Ask questions that create new thinking, such as: “What problem are you trying to solve?”, “What options can you see?”

- Implement your coaching and mentoring in some crisis moments, not just developmental moments.

- Measure progress in the long term. Do you count short term answers as progression, or the long-term development of your people?

- Check everyone’s understanding. It’s important you know what to do, but your team needs to know why.

New strategic thinking

To help you make this transition, explore these four strategies designed to develop you and, by extension, your team.

Strategy 1: The Five-minute Coaching Pause

- When someone brings you a problem, pause, then ask at least three open questions like “What is your goal?”, “What have you tried?”, “What options might be possible?”, before offering your view.

- Encourage ownership. Ensure the other person has voiced at least one solution or next step before you give a view: “Before I give a view what do you think?”.

- In your next one-on-one, try to count how long you wait before giving advice. Aim for five minutes of exploring, silence and questioning first.

Strategy 2: Swap “Why” for “What” or “How”

- Replace questions that start with “Why...” (which might feel accusatory) with “What...” or “How...” (which invite reflection).

- Ask “how else” so that the conversation stays open and non-defensive: “How else could we see this?”, “What alternatives might work?”.

- Reframe: Note one moment where re-framing to “What led you to...X?” or “How was X important?” created a different and useful dialogue and ask “How did this help?”.

Strategy 3: Hand Back the Pen

- In meetings, let the team member capture their own action steps instead of you writing them down.

- Any action is phrased in their words, verbally stated and so owned by them.

- Count how many actions have not ended up on your list, your ‘not-to-do list’; they have been delegated, shared and owned by others.

Strategy 4: Climb the F.I.R.E. Ladder

When someone shares a challenge, guide them through four levels:

- Facts - “What do we know for certain?”

- Interpretation - “What story might we be telling ourselves?”

- Reinterpretation - “What is a more helpful and effective story?”

- Action - “Given that, what’s the next step?”

Edge cases:
Sometimes a manager’s task to strengthen his team is also achieved by taking charge with efficiency and steered delegation. These circumstances can arise with:
- Time-critical issues: In emergencies, telling is fine, just explain that you are shifting mode.
- New joiners: Some may need more direction until they gain context. Balance coaching with clarity.

Managers who coach don’t dilute authority, they extend it. Every question asked is a chance to improve your connections with others. Start small: swap one “Why” for a “What”, hand back the pen, pause once before advising. In four weeks, you’ll see a team that thinks harder, owns more, and needs less rescuing.

Written by Theo Morris